I recently launched the very first (and only, so far) dedicated crypto hotline. Its centerpiece is my daily market report which is always current, relevant, and informative, but there is much more to this public service if you listen closely.

After listening to the market report, callers are given several options to explore. Hear the unreleased soundtrack to the life of a high profile CryptoTwitter legend, transfer direct to the actual official crypto telephone support line, and join the dedicated open conference line and chat with other callers. Because why not?

This service is free (unless you are calling internationally and paying by the minute, in which case I assure you it is money well spent). It is open at all times for your entertainment. And it's an old school dial-in hotline because I am old and vintage tech gets me off.

Try it out. It's my gift to you. You will love it. Or else.

I can tweet brilliant commentary all day but only a handful of my 4000+ followers will see it. Stupid Twatter and their #shadowbanning

Stupid Questions You Might Have

Is this for real?

Yes. Give it a try, it's really not a big deal.

What is a "hotline"?

It's a phone number you can call to access time-sensitive information or provide tips and info to a specific cause.

What is a "phone number"?

In the olden days before the proliferation of pocket-sized hand-held network-connected supercomputers, there were fewer options for real-time communication and information access. The most effective option was live voice chat using a device known as a telephone or phone for short. Every phone was assigned a unique multi-digit number. Entering a phone's number sequence into any other phone using its 12-button key pad initiated a connection between the two devices. During this connected session both parties were treated to live, full-duplex audio transmission.

Was that boring? Doesn't matter. Your pocket computer has a phone app built-in, believe it or not, so you can make calls! Try it now by tapping the number: +1-302-660-0040

Why offer this for free?

Because it's fun and it's a joke. And I happen to have access to super affordable VOIP resources and the things needed to set this sort of thing up. I'm a nerd and I know lots of other nerds. Just enjoy the gag ok?